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Musings & Playtime

I like to share my thoughts. I like to tell  my story.  I like to be as real as I can and inspire others to do the same... this is what's inside me. My brain. My body. My heart. My soul...

From Me & Marilyn

 

Ive posted this photo before and Im posting it again because I want people to understand what it feels like to be a woman believing that sex and your body is your greatest and sometimes even only asset because I am 1 of MILLIONS who have felt this way.

I grew up hearing how "hot" I was on the regular. I had a fan club of boys and they used to literally chase me around at parties. I was "boys choice of girlfriend" and "best looking" in school. I made great money as a spokesmodel....

And in a way it was fun- because who doesn't love attention. But at the same time it was AWFUL to be looked at as an object and disrespected.

And yet, as I grew up the more and more I was told that my body was my worth, the more I used it in all the wrong ways.

I auditioned for dumb blondes and prostitutes for the most part. I tried to play the ingenue and was told I was too sexy and couldn't do it. I had men say I should do Playboy.

So naturally I took all that feedback from the world and I...

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On Speaking Up: I didn't Know that "no" was an option

confessions Oct 11, 2017

When I was a young girl, I didn't know I had a say in whether boys touched me or not.

if you let them, they'd like you and if you said no, they'd tell everyone bad things about you- so it seemed easier and better to accept it and move on.

And because of that, I ended up in some seriously painful, terrifying experiences- like being cornered in an attic or taken to a remote place where no one knew where I was... and accepting it because it was the only way I knew to survive.

But the thing is, it was never better to accept it, because each time I said ok, I went further into the hole of low self worth, low self esteem and no personal value.

And I know I'm not alone.

It took me years to understand why I felt so worthless and I kept getting hurt when I was a really sweet, loving person inside.

But seriously, no one ever told me I had a choice. No one said you're worth more than just sex. No one said, you can say no and still be loved and accepted. No one said instead of letting someone...

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